Sick to My Stomach

I was nine years old the first time the Red Sox broke my heart. It was Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS. It was a school night, so I went to bed right after Kevin Millar went deep to put the Sox ahead 4-1. Hey I was nine. I had no reason to think that the Red Sox could blow it. Not with Pedro, my favorite player, on the mound. When I drifted off to sleep that night, there was no doubt in my mind that the next day I would be talking with my friends about how the Red Sox were going to the World Series. The next morning, I woke up and the first words out of my mouth were "They won, right?" I'll never forget my dad's face. He paused and said "No, they lost." I thought he was joking at first, but once I realized that he was dead serious, I did what any other kid my age would have done when his dreams were crushed. I cried. I don't even remember how I even went to school that day. I was a total mess.

I thought that day was bad. But today, today was even worse.

Last night I was watching the Red Sox go to battle with the lowly Baltimore Orioles in an attempt to salvage their season. Everyone knows the story by now. If the Sox won and Tampa lost, the Sox were in. If the both Sox and Tampa won or lost, there would be a one-game playoff. If Tampa won and the Sox lost, then Boston would be out. All the Red Sox needed to do was win ONE game against a team that had lost 93 games over the course of the season.

Just like in 2003, the Sox were winning when I fell asleep (this time, I dozed off on my couch during the rain delay), and even better, the Yankees were up 7-3 on the Rays in the 8th inning.

Just like in 2003, I awoke to shocking news.

It was about 3 a.m. I woke up on my couch and realized what time it was, so I quickly flipped on the T.V. to see whether the Sox would be in the postseason or playing a one game playoff against Tampa. The possibility that they had lost and the Rays had won never crossed my mind. So when I watched the highlights on SportsCenter in horror (and I do mean horror, I'm pretty sure I looked like I had just seen Samara from The Ring), I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I stared helplessly as the clip showed Papelbon blowing away the first two batters in the 9th, then giving up back to back doubles to tie the score. I was speechless when Baltimore's second baseman Robert Andino (who had been killing the Sox all season) hit a sinking liner to shallow left, and Carl Crawford, the $142 million man with vaunted range who was already playing shallow to begin with, somehow couldn't come up with the catch. I then proceeded to watch as the next set of highlights showed the Rays somehow coming back from a 7-0 deficit to beat the Yankees in 12 innings 8-7. It started to sink in. I didn't cry this time. I just sat there. Speechless.

What the 2011 Red Sox did this month was disgusting. Simply atrocious. This was, without a doubt, the worse choke job I have ever witnessed a sports team commit. That's right. Worse than the 2004 Yankees. The Sox went 7-20 in the month of September, and somehow managed to blow a 9 game lead in less than 30 days. They quit on the season, on the their manager, and worst of all, on their fans. Here are some stats that I found interesting.

• The Red Sox were 2-18 when scoring less than nine runs from August 24 to September 24
• Their starting rotation compiled a 4-13 record with a 7.03 ERA this month
• The team ERA for September? 5.90
• The Sox didn't win back-to-back games once in September.
• Daniel Bard, the team's eighth inning guy and "closer of the future" was 0-4 with a 10.64 ERA in final month of the season

Sickening. Almost as sickening as watching Carl Crawford play every day this season. Or John Lackey. As a matter of fact while the players definitely deserve the blame, the front office (I'm looking DIRECTLY at you Theo) has really screwed up this team. Theo has made some awful choices. Signing Lackey for $18 million per year for 5 seasons was a disaster. Signing Crawford, a corner outfielder who has NEVER hit 20 home runs in a season and, at age 30, is only going to see his greatest strength (his speed) decline over the course of his contract (a contract which is 2 years and about $60 million too much) was a disaster (Quick rant: Wouldn't it have made more sense to use the money on Cliff Lee instead of Crawford? Think about it. Offense wasn't the issue last year OR this year. Both seasons pitching screwed the Sox over. In 2011, the Red Sox were 1st in runs, 2nd in batting average, 1st in on base percentage, and 1st in slugging percentage. They were 22nd in ERA, 28th in quality starts, 16th in WHIP, and 9th in batting average against. Which player would have had a bigger impact? Lee or Crawford? But I digress.)

That didn't stop Theo, because any time you can sign an outfielder with 10-10 potential you have to do it, apparently. Now that I think about it, Theo has made some brutal missteps in free agency. 4y/$36 million for Lugo? 4/40 for Rentaria? 5/70 for J.D. Drew? 5/82.5 for Lackey? 7/142 for Crawford? What about Mike Cameron at 2/18? Or Dice-K and his ridiculous deal?

When was the last time Epstein signed a free agent that wasn't a disappointment? When was the last time that he signed someone who's performance during the season made you say "Wow, where did this guy come from?" (Aceves was phenomenal this year. He's been the only guy like that in about 4-5 years). Theo has been unreliable at best when it comes to bringing in talent via free agency. He treats his own players, players who have proven they could handle the bright lights of Boston (Victor Martinez, Johnny Damon, Orlando Cabrera, Adrian Beltre, even Bronson Arroyo for God's sake) like old toys and never hesitates to bring in guys who have never proven they can handle Boston (Rentaria, Lackey, Drew, Crawford, for example). Theo has totally abandoned any premise of "moneyball" and prefers to simply play "money". He's been throwing bills around like PacMan Jones in a strip club the last two off-seasons. And what has that brought? Two straight years without a playoff berth.

I'm not blaming Theo for everything, the players are very much the main people at fault for this collapse. Terry Francona deserves some of the blame as well. But the point I'm trying to make here is that the front office has made some questionable moves recently that may have crippled this team finically for the next 4-5 years. The Crawford and Lackey deals are what stand out the most. Will those deals prevent the Sox from resigning (as usual) one of their own? The Red Sox could very soon be faced with the reality of being unable to afford resigning Jacoby Ellsbury, the team's MVP this year. If the Crawford and/or Lackey deals prevent the Sox from bringing back Ellsbury, we could have a riot on our hands.

In the end, the Sox have nobody to blame but themselves. In a lot of ways, I like this team less than any other Sox team I can remember properly. They were kind of like an extremely attractive woman who looked like she had all the goods and was smoking hot, but when you actually talk to her you realize she's a huge bitch with the personality of a tree stump. The last month had a lot to do with that outlook. I'm tired of the excuses, of the rationalizing, of the hanging heads, of the complacency. I don't want to hear the star hitter on the team blaming injuries claiming "God didn't want us to win" after losing the most important game of the year. Because that was pathetic, Adrian. You and your teammates are at fault here. Don't give me that shit. Hopefully this dark day serves as a wake up call for the entire organization, from those on the field to those off it. And if someone has to go (Tito? Theo?) to really bang that point home, I'm all for it. Enough of this free pass. Time to start acting your payroll, Red Sox. Because until you stop with the excuses, this team will never be more than a 88-90 win team. And to all the Sox fans out there "proud" of this team and trying to stay positives, please for the love of God stop. Just stop. Because when it comes to the 2011 Red Sox, there is nothing to be proud of.